Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for a relationship with another.

The more connected you are with YOU, the more secure and at peace you will be in your relationship.

The real insecurity is not about your partner, but lies within yourself.

It’s not about them.

We often look to our partners to give us a feeling of security and validation. Whilst this is nice, we must take responsibility for our inner freedom.

Love yourself first.

In doing so, you will heal those parts inside of you that feel insecure, needy, afraid, clingy and anxious.

Healing is when you love those parts of yourself that are afraid, and hurting.

Those parts of you aren’t bad. They are just aspects of yourself that are seeking love and attention. Either you give that love to you, or you will seek to get that love from others.

When you make others the source of your love, you are bound to feel needy and insecure.

As children, perhaps certain needs weren’t met. You may not have gotten the attention, validation, emotional safety, connection or nourishment needed from your parents.

As a result, we seek out partners to try and get the needs met that weren’t met growing up.

As you can imagine, it’s not a recipe for relationship happiness. Often causing us much suffering.

Unconsciously we try to recreate the conditions of our childhood in order to be able to heal them. Once you understand this, you can enter into relationships more consciously.

So rather than seeking outside for love, find ways to nourish and give it to yourself first.

Even if you do get love from your partner, if you aren’t giving it to yourself, it will never feel enough. And you will be left with an ongoing sense of insecurity, as you are dependent on them for your sense of feeling loved.

Now of course in any relationship we impact and affect each other. But when you love you, and connect with the source of love and fulfillment within, you feel a sense of inner peace.

This allows you to be in a relationship from a place of wholeness, rather than lack and insecurity. You are no longer dependent.


-Hold your heart with care and kindness.

-Love your inner child.

-Praise and acknowledge yourself daily, with positive affirmations.

-Look in the mirror and say “I love you”.

-Feel your feelings and release what doesn’t serve you.

-Honor and speak your truth.

-Surround yourself with people that love and respect you.

As you love you, you realize that you are love itself.

As you connect deeply to yourself, you are much less afraid of losing yourself or losing your lover.

When you have YOU, your fear of losing another softens. It’s always a vulnerable thing to open your heart, and really love another human being.

To really love takes courage, and to feel that vulnerability is courageously beautiful. But that is very different from insecurity and neediness.

As you no longer are motivated by need, you are in fact free to be vulnerable, allowing yourself to need but from an abundance of fullness of love in your heart.

The more you connect to you, the more secure you feel, the more free you feel to simply be love fully.

The ultimate security is knowing that you are love itself. And that nothing can be taken or lost. If someone is truly meant for you, nothing will stop it, and if they are NOT meant for you, nothing will keep it.

So trust LOVE.

This is real security.



P.S. If you are ready to learn to love yourself and feel free, join me at on May 15-17th in Los Angeles!  Amazing women will be gathering!

6 comments on “How to Deal with Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship and Be FREE!

  1. Nancy Chomicz on

    Thank You, Kute! Great timing! “I AM LOVE” is VERY powerful! And, yet, what else is there to do but Love Myself Love Myself, Love Myself MORE so I can radiate it out of my Heart and attract like-hearted kind people? (aha, not ‘like-minded’, eh?) If I choose to say “I AM NOT LOVE” or “I DO NOT LOVE MYSELF” or “Why would anyone love me?” or “I’m not worthy enough”, then, I AM choosing to be a victim who “LOVES” having pity-parties and feeling sorry for myself. O woe is me. DROP THAT, hey? I AM LOVE and I LOVE ME ‘even in the midst’ of sweet-souled Dad sadly jerking me off at 3 and my Mom with LOTS of integrity who said ‘you can’t even flush the toilet right.’ NO ONE else ever did or say anything like that, so, why wouldn’t it be easy to NOT feel like a Victor in my own home ‘in the midst of’ feeling like’ a Victor, from Divine Creator’s point-of-view? All of that “I love to hate and hate to love” is finally breaking up in my head and aligning with my heart, which lovingly screams out “YES, I AM LOVE” and “IF I’M NOT LOVE, then, how can anyone else be to me?” Ahhh, YES, I AM LOVE. THANKS for re-reminding me Kute! XOXXxxxOoooXxOXxX I AM a Victorious Victor celebrating Victories Victoriously!!! WHY? Because I LOVE ME.

  2. Miranda Kate on

    This is brilliant, thanks Kute. Love that you continue to keep giving examples so that those listening and reading can get it.


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