I recently received a heartfelt email from a reader of my blog saying, “My boyfriend of 2 years says that he wants to have an open relationship and see multiple partners. He says he just wants to be free… What should I do?”
This is indeed a delicate situation, especially as it deals with vulnerable matters of the heart.
So what is real freedom really?
To simply act out on all of your desires doesn’t mean you are truly free. It might simply mean you are being run by your conditioning making you a slave to your desires.
Dating multiple partners won’t bring you real freedom if you aren’t free within yourself or you don’t know who you really are.
Real freedom is a state of being.
There’s a lot of talk in some spiritual circles about how monogamy isn’t working anymore.
To me it’s not about monogamy or open relationships, but more about what you bring to it that makes the difference. Beyond rigid rules and right/wrong, each person must find the most authentic expression of their heart. It may be different for everyone.
It may also change depending on what lessons your soul most needs to learn at that time in your life.
Love is beyond form. And all forms change and are impermanent.
When you love another person unconditionally, you dare to speak your heart’s truth with love and vulnerability.
The truth always serves everyone, even if it might not seem that way at first. Truth is the foundation for openness in a relationship.
If you communicate how you feel up front, they at least have a choice whether to continue to be in relationship with you or not, rather than being there under false pretenses.
If you both agree to being monogamous and faithful to each other, then honor that commitment. Or whatever commitments that you made to each other.
But if it’s not your authentic truth, and you are simply agreeing to what you think you should based on what’s expected of you, then you are already being unfaithful to yourself and your partner.
When you first met your partner, you attracted each other based on your level of consciousness and the lessons that you needed to teach each other at that time.
You made agreements based on this.
As you both evolve, your agreements need to also, as they may no longer feel true for you. In doing so, you honor yourself, honor your partner and honor your love by speaking the truth. Have the courage to renegotiate your commitments, expand your commitments, and find a new relationship format or agreements that allow for more love to be expressed between you both.
Whether you are with one partner or multiple, the real freedom is in how open your heart is to allowing the deepest expression of love that is seeking to happen through you.
You could be in an open relationship with many partners and still be closed in your heart. You can be in a deeply committed, intimate relationship with one person forever and be truly open in your heart.
Real openness is beyond form. It’s a state of being within yourself.
To really love unconditionally is a holy act and one of real courage. To learn to love unconditionally is a humbling lifetime practice.
Real love gives freedom. And in freedom there is always choice. Choice to do or not do. Then you know the love is real.
Love is not demanding your partner to be who you want them to be but to serve their soul in becoming who they are truly meant to be.
You know you are in the right relationship when you are encouraged to be more fully yourself.
To love another unconditionally is to truly see who they are, beyond their personality, and to love their soul. To love another unconditionally is to commit to their soul’s growth and evolution.
In a romantic relationship, we are often afraid to give our significant other this level of freedom out of fear. We are afraid that they will perhaps betray us, leave us or won’t love us the way we want.
Perhaps you have felt this fear?
Whenever you do something out of obligation and fear, you don’t give all of yourself.
Every relationship is the opportunity to practice integrity and to live your spirituality in everyday life.
Loving is not limited. Love’s depth is infinite. We live in a world of seven billion people, so there will be seven billion different ways of loving.
Real freedom is the courage to love another with all your heart and be committed rather than controlled by your fear.
Real freedom is to be connected to your authentic self and making choices that are in alignment with your soul.
Real freedom is a discipline of the heart and to sacrifice what is lesser for what is more.
Real freedom is a commitment to love.
To love someone unconditionally requires that you love yourself. You can’t truly give that to another unless you give it to yourself.
Loving another person unconditionally doesn’t mean you agree to do whatever they want, if it doesn’t feel right and honoring of yourself.
You have a choice.
Loving another unconditionally doesn’t mean you do so whilst sacrificing yourself and your well-being or needs.
Honor yourself. It’s then that you can truly honor your partner. To truly love unconditionally requires the ability to say “No”. Then your “Yes” can be authentic.
To love another unconditionally is to truly want the best for them even if that means not with you. You may have different needs and wants that just aren’t compatible.
Commit to loving each moment of your relationship. Sometimes this may mean you have to end a relationship. But other times it may mean you must commit more deeply to working on your relationship, even though it’s challenging, stretches you and pushes all of your buttons!
When you commit to loving unconditionally you are committing to the highest good in any given situation.
Commit to loving big and miracles beyond what you can imagine will be yours.
P.S. If you are ready to transform the hidden blocks that keep you from loving fully and creating the life of your dreams, join me and women from all over the world on May 13-15th at: www.themanbreakthroughexperience.com in Los Angeles.
P.S. I would love to hear your thoughts below.. And please share this blog with all your friends!