(Recently a woman from my MAN Breakthrough seminar asked me “Kute, would a spiritual man or woman ever be unfaithful in a relationship?  And is it ever forgivable or is that a sign that perhaps the relationship is not the real deal ?”  The essence of my response is below and in the video above).

To love, trust and honor yourself is the ultimate foundation for any relationship.

The relationship with yourself is mirrored in the relationship with the partners that you attract into your life.

Each moment we are at choice. A choice to choose love or a choice to choose fear. A choice to cheat or a choice to live with integrity.

Every relationship is the opportunity to practice integrity and to live your spirituality in everyday life.

When you don’t honor what you truly feel or your deepest truth in a relationship, you cheat on yourself. This is when unfaithfulness begins.

When you are in a relationship and compromise who you really are, you are cheating on yourself.

When you remain in a relationship that no longer nourishes your authentic soul expression, you are cheating on yourself.

When you enter into a relationship even though your intuition tells you something isn’t right, you are cheating on yourself.

When you don’t honor yourself, you also cheat your partner from having all of you, as well as the opportunity to find the fullness of love that might be available for them too.

When you truly trust yourself then you make choices that reflect this. You choose people that are trustworthy and able to honor you.

Start by being really honest about what you deeply want in a relationship. Then find the right person to create the commitment that most honors your unique expression as a human being on this planet.

You can’t prevent yourself or your partner from having an attraction to someone else. Attraction is a natural part of life. It will happen.

Energy is just energy. If you suppress that natural flow of attraction, what will often happen is that you will end up disconnecting from a part of yourself, which will in turn affect the flow of chemistry between you and your partner.

Now, how you manage that attraction to another person is what requires real integrity.

Rather than simply acting out your attraction and cheating on your partner, it is important to acknowledge the feeling of attraction up front.

Then you can communicate what you feel with your partner, if it’s something more than just a fleeting feeling.

Before you act on your attraction with another partner whilst in a relationship with someone else ask yourself, “Is this the most loving action? What would love do? Does it really serve to have sex with this other person? Will it truly serve both me AND my partner?”.

Being spiritual is not about being perfect. No human being is perfect. Nor is it an excuse to cheat either.

Being spiritual is a courageous commitment to truth, and living the deepest truth you are able to access in any given moment. As you evolve, this will grow and change as you do.

Being spiritual is the willingness to take a deep look at yourself, to take responsibility and clean up whatever mistakes you might make.

When you suppress your truth and compromise your heart, you betray yourself. This is the real pain.

When you communicate your authentic feelings you may find that just by allowing this non-judgmental space to share your desire, it dissolves. In communicating it can also open up the opportunity to deal with the deeper issues in the relationship. As a result facilitating deeper intimacy and healing.

When you suppress and hide your feelings of attraction to others, often the energy can grow and act itself out in less than conscious ways, i.e. infidelity and secret affairs.

When you cheat you dishonor yourself. When you cheat you dishonor your partner. When you cheat you dishonor love.

It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about integrity. It’s about honoring whatever agreements you made with each other. When you cheat you don’t give the other person an opportunity to choose.

If you let them know how you feel up front, they at least have a choice whether to continue in relationship with you or not, rather than being there under false pretense.

If you both agree to being monogamous and faithful to each other, then honor that commitment.

But if it’s not your authentic truth and you are simply agreeing to what you think you should, then you are already being unfaithful to yourself and your partner.

If your agreement no longer feels true for you then honor yourself, honor your partner, honor your love by speaking the truth. Have the courage to renegotiate your commitment and find a new relationship format that allows for more love to be expressed between you both.

Commit to love each moment of your relationship. Sometimes this will cause you to end a relationship. But other times it may mean you must commit more deeply to working on your relationship, even though it’s challenging.

Just because you feel an attraction to someone other than your partner is not enough of a reason to act on it. Real freedom is not necessarily doing whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want. This is simply to be a slave to your desires. Remember that desires are fleeting and often endless.

Real freedom is to be connected to your authentic self and making choices that are in alignment. Real freedom is a discipline of the heart. Real freedom is to sacrifice what is lesser for what is more. Real freedom is a commitment to love.

So commit to love.

And let love guide you.

You will know what to do or not.

Be truthful.

Speak with courage.

Live your integrity.

Commit to love.



P.S. Women: If you a ready for big love, and to transform the hidden blocks that keep you from having the love you deserve. Join me at www.themanbreakthroughexperience.com May 15-17th. You can sign up now for the special price!

P.P.S. Please share this with all those you know!



10 comments on “Is it EVER ok to cheat in a relationship?

  1. Greg Young on

    Hi Kute – We are FB friends. I find your writings very helpful in my own study and practice. I’m a relationship coach focused on helping couples who are breaking up do so with love and grace instead of bitterness and anger. I took the liberty of linking to your site from mine, and specifically this blog (and probably more to come). I’ve only started this practice and website recently, so I hope you will be understanding of my wish to help with a variety of resources those who come to me – there will be several others I link to as I work through the available literature. Please let me know if you wish me to take the links down, or any other comments.

    Thanks and love, Greg

  2. Mary Martinez on

    Thank you for these words. I am understanding my previous relationship on so many deeper levels which leaves me with more inner peace and also better discernment skills for my journey ahead. Thank you, Kute!

  3. helen stubbs on

    Thanks Kute, I think you got to the heart of this complicated issue in a non-judgmental way that is really refreshing.


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