No one taught me how to be a man as a kid. For better or worse, I had to figure it out on my own.
It wasn’t easy. It was a little messy at times. But I learned a lot of lessons along the way.
Like most men, I didn’t have many male role models whilst growing up. And the role models I did have on TV were not the best representatives of authentic masculinity. Most were disconnected from their feelings, and not truly honoring the feminine.
It’s not easy being a man in a world where we are bombarded by the media with so many ideas of who and what we should be.
Our manhood is defined by the size of your bank account. The amount of power you yield in the world. The size of your penis. The beauty of the woman you are with. Your social status, and so much more.
None of those things bring long-lasting fulfillment.
None of those make you a real man.
Being a real man has nothing to do with the externals of life and everything to do with knowing who you really are.
There’s not ONE way of being a man. Their expressions. There’s no 5 step formula. No shortcut.
You cannot HACK real authenticity. Or simply learn about it from a book. It’s something you must live, learn, experience AND embody.
It requires that you give up who you think that you are or should be.
I’ve learned through my many life experiences and many mistakes that it takes tremendous courage to be a REAL man.
Being REAL is what makes a man A MAN.
The courage not just to copy someone else, or simply follow the life you were told to, but to dig deep within yourself and find out who YOU really are.
It requires that you connect deeply with your heart and feel what is most true, authentic and real. It requires the courage to follow your deepest truth. And as you evolve and your truth changes, the willingness to reinvent yourself and go in the direction that is scary.
It requires your willingness to honor your word and live with an unwavering integrity. Not letting money, fame, women, external validation cause you to compromise your values, truth and commitment to your purpose.
Many men can talk a good talk, say the right words, quote the right spiritual theories and philosophies.
But talk is cheap. It’s not about how you act, but who you are being.
I’ve learned that it’s not simply what you say, or how much you know, but how you live your life moment to moment, in everyday reality. How you treat those around you. How you live your integrity even when no one is watching. How you treat the poorest as well as the richest man you meet. Doing what you say and saying what you really mean. Your willingness to commit to real love and let yourself be remade and transformed to the core by it’s alchemy.
I’ve seen that many men want to experience freedom. But aren’t fully wiling to live the complete integrity and honesty that real freedom entails. They aren’t willing to face the consequences of their actions. So they sometimes lie, cheat or hide the truth to not rock the boat.
I learned that part of being a real man is the willingness to face the consequences of my actions, with a sense of complete responsibility. And that taking responsibility is power.
At a certain level of development you might think that doing whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want is freedom. But this often leads to being a slave to your desires and conditioning.
Real freedom isn’t simply an outer experience but an inner experience.
As we grow and evolve as men, we connect with our true selves, and we realize that our real nature is Freedom itself. Freedom is what we are at our depth.
As young boys we are often told when we have feelings, “Don’t be a girl! Man up.” Somehow implying you are not a real man if you feel.
But real men aren’t afraid to cry. It takes courage to feel the full range of your feelings and not suppress.
A real man deeply appreciates women but neither is he a slave to her beauty, body, or charms. He loves and honors her as manifestation of the Goddess and in relationship is ready to give his heart as fully as he is able.
He knows that the woman he is with is not his possession yet he is ready to commit, enter her heart and penetrate her soul with the force of his love.
He has humility, and even though he acts with clarity, knows that he knows nothing. And lives surrendered to life.
Every man at some point in his life must face his death. Death of his ego. Death of who he thinks he is. This is an initiation.
It’s only when he stops running, and faces death that a man realizes the truth. That who he really is is beyond death.
That what he is is Infinite. And everything he thought he was is merely transitory and fleeting.
It’s when he “dies” that he realizes that he has nothing to lose. This is a great freedom.
A real man knows that he isn’t simply his body or ego. He knows who he REALLY is.
A real man knows what is REAL.
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