Stop blaming your parents. Give it up. Stop. Let it go.
Your parents owe you nothing.
They have already given you everything…
When you stop making them responsible for what you feel today, you access your power to really live.
Your parents OWE you nothing today. They gave you the most amazing gift of birth and life. They don’t OWE you respect, apologies, or money. When you can own this you free yourself and are no longer dependent on them for your happiness. Instead of living at the mercy of your past and simply being a reaction to your parents’ actions, you cut the umbilical cord and become free to create a life you choose.
Each moment you hold onto resentment, anger, blame, about the past, you are killing your present. What happened is done and nothing you do, or say now will change what happened. It is done.
Often we refuse to let go, and hold onto the anger at our parents because we feel dignified in doing so. They didn’t give us what we wanted. They weren’t there for us in the way we needed. They abused us, beat us, abandoned us, manipulated us, molested us, or were mean to us.
Yes, you are right. They were not right or justified in what they did.
However: “Do you want to be right or free?”
“Is being right making you happy? Is holding onto being right changing them?”
Each moment you hold onto the resentment, you keep yourself stuck in a prison of victimhood. You are not responsible for what happened to you as a child. It happened. You were young back then.
But now, today, you are responsible for what you choose to do.
You are responsible today as to whether you hold onto the anger or let it go. You might say “But my mother or father is wrong!” and you might be quite correct. However, you cannot change them. The only power you have is over yourself.
Trying to change your parents, or make them give you what you wanted is a great recipe for suffering! Living your life trying prove how wrong they were won’t make it right.
Accept what they were, are and are not.
Then you bring yourself into the present and can decide how to shift your way of relating to them. Perhaps it will mean you choose not see them because it does not honor who you are. Or perhaps you choose to continue engaging in the relationship, but simply allow it to be what it is and expect nothing more than they are capable.
They are doing the best they can with the resources they have.
If you think that forgiving them is condoning what they did or didn’t do, then you are missing the point. —-You are actually forgiving and freeing yourself.—- If you are holding onto anger or resentment towards your parents in anyway, you are killing yourself.
Over the years I have worked with clients that have been raped, abused, mistreated, and abandoned by their parents. Yet, they didn’t allow that to determine the rest of their lives. You cannot change the past. It is what you choose to do in the present that will determine your future. It takes great courage to take responsibility. Then you no longer have any excuses as to why life isn’t working. Or why you may not be succeeding.
Your freedom lies in taking responsibility. Then you are truly born.
Some simple keys to remember regards your parents:
- Accept who they are and who they are not: Stop fighting reality. They are what they are.
- Realize that they are also souls on the journey of life: They are doing the best they can. They, like us, are imperfect human beings, learning lessons of karma in the school called Life.
- Take responsibility: Take your power back. Deal with your unresolved feelings. Focusing on your parents distracts you from facing yourself. Let it go.
- Forgive them and yourself: Set them free and in doing so you set yourself free. Holding on only causes you suffering.
- Bless them for the gifts they did give you: Send them love and compassion. What you give to another, you give to yourself.
Remember: Your ultimate PARENT is LIFE itself. Life is the source of your life. Your parents are simply the vehicle in human form to bring you forward into this life. They are the vessel. Life is your real Source. Connect with the Infinite.
… Go DIRECT to the SOURCE.
P.S. Please share your thoughts in the comments below!
P.P.S. If you’d like to know more about my transformational coaching process, check out: www.kuteblackson.com
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