Stop blaming your parents. Give it up. Stop. Let it go.


Your parents owe you nothing.

They have already given you everything…

Life itself.

When you stop making them responsible for what you feel today, you access your power to really live.

Your parents OWE you nothing today. They gave you the most amazing gift of birth and life. They don’t OWE you respect, apologies, or money. When you can own this you free yourself and are no longer dependent on them for your happiness. Instead of living at the mercy of your past and simply being a reaction to your parents’ actions, you cut the umbilical cord and become free to create a life you choose.

Each moment you hold onto resentment, anger, blame, about the past, you are killing your present. What happened is done and nothing you do, or say now will change what happened. It is done.

Often we refuse to let go, and hold onto the anger at our parents because we feel dignified in doing so. They didn’t give us what we wanted. They weren’t there for us in the way we needed. They abused us, beat us, abandoned us, manipulated us, molested us, or were mean to us.

Yes, you are right. They were not right or justified in what they did.

However: “Do you want to be right or free?”

“Is being right making you happy? Is holding onto being right changing them?”

Each moment you hold onto the resentment, you keep yourself stuck in a prison of victimhood. You are not responsible for what happened to you as a child. It happened. You were young back then.

But now, today, you are responsible for what you choose to do.

You are responsible today as to whether you hold onto the anger or let it go. You might say “But my mother or father is wrong!” and you might be quite correct. However, you cannot change them. The only power you have is over yourself.

Trying to change your parents, or make them give you what you wanted is a great recipe for suffering! Living your life trying prove how wrong they were won’t make it right.

Accept what they were, are and are not.

Then you bring yourself into the present and can decide how to shift your way of relating to them. Perhaps it will mean you choose not see them because it does not honor who you are. Or perhaps you choose to continue engaging in the relationship, but simply allow it to be what it is and expect nothing more than they are capable.

They are doing the best they can with the resources they have.

If you think that forgiving them is condoning what they did or didn’t do, then you are missing the point. —-You are actually forgiving and freeing yourself.—- If you are holding onto anger or resentment towards your parents in anyway, you are killing yourself.

Over the years I have worked with clients that have been raped, abused, mistreated, and abandoned by their parents. Yet, they didn’t allow that to determine the rest of their lives. You cannot change the past. It is what you choose to do in the present that will determine your future. It takes great courage to take responsibility. Then you no longer have any excuses as to why life isn’t working. Or why you may not be succeeding.

Your freedom lies in taking responsibility. Then you are truly born.

Some simple keys to remember regards your parents:

  • Accept who they are and who they are not: Stop fighting reality. They are what they are.
  • Realize that they are also souls on the journey of life: They are doing the best they can. They, like us, are imperfect human beings, learning lessons of karma in the school called Life.
  • Take responsibility: Take your power back. Deal with your unresolved feelings. Focusing on your parents distracts you from facing yourself. Let it go.
  • Forgive them and yourself: Set them free and in doing so you set yourself free. Holding on only causes you suffering.
  • Bless them for the gifts they did give you: Send them love and compassion. What you give to another, you give to yourself.

Remember: Your ultimate PARENT is LIFE itself. Life is the source of your life. Your parents are simply the vehicle in human form to bring you forward into this life. They are the vessel. Life is your real Source. Connect with the Infinite.

… Go DIRECT to the SOURCE.

P.S. Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

P.P.S. If you’d like to know more about my transformational coaching process, check out:

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29 comments on “Your parents owe you NOTHING.

  1. ntathu allen on

    Thoughtful words. I think as a child we hold our parents/family responsible for everything. From experience, I feel once you become a parent/have children of your own you gain a deeper insight into what it is like to parent and hopefully gain deeper appreciation of what your parents do for you…they paved the way and we stand of shoulders of our ancestors.

  2. diane on

    I was given alot of responsibilities as a child by my mother and grandmother (whose property we lived for free) As a child I was resentful because I had two brothers who were given no chores, because they were boys. I am the only responsible one out of the three. I beleive this transformed my work ethics as an adult.

  3. Helene on

    Right on My spot, I have slipped down the whole again – to the degree where I can hardly breath nor see. Just feel the pain.
    Was just thinking in this direction – to finally SEE the TRUTH of how things ARE concerning my parents. STOP HOPING and looking for something that just isn´t there and LET THE TRUTH SET ME FREE to live my life with purpose, NOT be doing/not doing things in order for them to like/not like so I will have a place in the family – even if it is the beaten dogs place, hoping for scrumbles…….
    And just look at the beaten dog, how (often, not always) increadible magical beings they can be. Humble, in service, deeply listening….Open and Aware to Love Instantly.
    Thank You

  4. Judith Dudley on

    Thank you Kute for a great blog. Most parents don’t wake up asking – How can I ruin my child’s lofe today? They don’t. They do the best they know how. They gave us life – and now we must take it and do what they could not. Do what inspires us, drives us, and makes the world a better place. Love!

  5. Helene on

    It is so wonderful – that Klimt painting – I have that picture on my wall and I got a card with that same picture the other day from a very special person and now it is here, with this very powerful message that came in such divine timing for me. It has been profound for me. Healing. Thank You, Kute, with Love

  6. Dolby on

    I agree with you. Thank you for bringing this out, this is a message that if really digested, it could free up a lot of parents who are held hostage for giving their children valuble life lessons. One of the four agreements; Don’t take things personally, it isn’t all about you. Parents work out their karma through their children as well. I learned that lesson a long time ago. It was one of those ‘AHA” moments, when the clouds parted and the sun was shining its wisdom on me. My parents may not have been model parents (whatever that is), but helped me to live MY life. I thank them for being who they are. The blame and shame game has no value if you live by it, the value is the lesson, that we do the best we know how to in any givin moment, and in the end, it really does not matter. Live in Love
    Thank you Kute, Shanti

  7. Jenna on

    Thanks Kute for your helpful words. Indeed, this time of year brings back so many mixed emotions about childhood, and you are absolutely right about accepting the past and reality, and moving on. Not that this is an easy transformation, but one that is liberating and fulfilling. Again, thank you for your inspiration.

  8. Alyssa on

    Thank you Kute fir your words. I think that a lot of people don’t know the power of responsibility for who you are and letting go of blame.

  9. Renee on

    I think this message could also be used if one replaces “parents” with “peers”. I’ve read a few self-help books that seem to always trace one’s emotional wounds back to their parents. This may be true for many, but in my case, I think most of my emotional wounds came from my peers in school.

    All the way back to Elementary school, I remember being called negative things by classmates. I really think this contributed to the low self-esteem I have had for so many years. Until recently, I thought I had to live with these negative thoughts about myself or rather– that I was all these negative things, and that I didn’t deserve love or happiness. This really affected my current relationship with my partner — I would reject his compliments and praise, I lashed out at him many times because I believed the imagined scenarios in my head, I felt like he could do better, I couldn’t understand what he saw in me… But through researching online, listening to podcasts, reading articles/books and viewing videos like the ones you create, I know that I deserve happiness as much as anyone else. And I don’t have to believe what anyone else thinks about me.

    Now I just have to work on eliminating my negative beliefs and thoughts, and I think I’m becoming better and better at it each day. I am so happy thinking about how I don’t have to live my life in self-misery anymore. Life is a gift to be cherished! And happiness can be found within ourselves, trying to change others is not loving them. I no longer want to mistreat my partner for just being himself anymore. I deserve his love and he deserves mine. I hope he can forgive me for the emotional abuse I have dealt him for so long.

    Thank you for sharing your messages with the world!

  10. Unity on

    … what an amazing gift.. and have exactly the parents I had.. “you are so right”…there was and is NO-thing to change about them at all.. I luve them exactly the way they were,, They granted me the privilege to really learn a lot about who I was really, from the inside.. and to have the chance to have found the “real me” that we really are.. wow I am so fortunate to be extremely thankful for my parents 100%.. their life’s blessed mine immensely ..

  11. shakti padma sun on

    pls tell me how to email this..i need to send it to my kids…really//// they blame me for everything..i did my best ..thx so much…blessings..shakti

  12. radicalizes on

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  13. emil9 on

    This is the worst “motivational” post I’ve ever read… This angered me so much I want to curse you out. “Parents owe you nothing…” what the hell? When they bring you into this world, it doesn’t mean their job is done… far from it. When you’re a child there’s a lot of things you can’t do for yourself. And even as a teen or an adult, there’s so many things that can have affected you which is caused by the parents. Lots of people grow up with anger inside and many people deal with depression that CAN have something to do with the family dynamic. You can’t blame your parents for everything, but you also can’t blame the offspring. They didn’t choose to be born, that was the parents’ decision. The child didn’t get a say in the matter. They also don’t choose their parents. The way a parent treats you, the way they bring you up … whatever they do will affect you emotionally and mentally. Then there comes a time where you’re old enough to think for yourself and you have to move on, but I know personally that it’s so painful and hard and even though someone wants to let go, they can’t always do that without getting some kind of closure. And when parents hurt you so much, it’s not your own fault. The parents owe you everything. They decided to have you as their child. They can’t birth you and then decide not to be parents anyway. This is the worst thing I have ever read. You sound so ignorant, it’s frustrating to me. I know in my heart that it’s important to be strong and not to blame everyone else for everything bla bla bla. But parents have a lot to do with how you grow up and what kind of person you become and how you feel.

    • Lucy Shilton on

      I totally agree with you.This writer clearly has no got no idea about grief, suffering or pain from less than good enough parenting. What he has written is delusional.

    • Dee on

      @emil9 AMEN!!!! This author has no idea on how some children were (or weren’t) raised. This article is soooo one-sided, to say the least. Totally disagree with this article.

  14. Melanie on

    I agree with emil9

    I’m 52 and was hit along with my siblings with a horse whip on my back while watching tv. Oh yes it has affected me and I suffer anger and depression. I’m going to blame.

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