You attract into your life people that mirror aspects of yourself at that particular time.

You have things to teach and gifts to give each other.

I believe that you also have certain lessons that your souls have agreed to learn and karma to work out together.

Although relationships aren’t always easy, they are amazing vehicles for growth and evolution. Through the mirror of another you get to see, heal and love parts of yourself that you may not have been able to on your own.

Every relationship is going to have it’s challenges. This is not the issue, how you deal with them and with your partner is really the issue.

So much of the pain I see people experience in relationships is because they have chosen the “wrong” person. And it’s our conditioning that causes us to do what we do and choose who we choose.

One of the keys to a healthy fulfilling relationship that works is choosing the right person. (Watch the video above for the 4 key questions)

I believe that much of the pain and frustration in relationship is actually unnecessary. It doesn’t have to be this way.

However, in order to change, you must be conscious and aware, otherwise your unconscious programming will tend to run you and your choices.

Just because you feel what you think is an attraction and chemistry doesn’t mean he/she is the one you should be in a romantic relationship with. In fact, I think that you should actually be extra aware when you feel that irresistible pull or attraction.

We tend to seek out partners who remind us of our caretakers growing up. Many clients of mine have said, “I will never marry anyone like my dad!” Only to find themselves with a man who turns out to be just like their father, even though it may not have seemed that way at first.

Consciously we might look for partners who have positive traits but more often than not, we attract partners that also carry the negative traits of our parents.

Why you might ask?

Unconsciously we try to recreate the conditions of our childhood in order to be able to correct and heal them.

So before you decide to commit to a relationship, use discernment and ask yourself these 4 key questions:

1) Do I trust this person?  Do I trust their heart, intentions and integrity?

Could I trust this person with my life?

If you don’t feel a trust for them, why would you be in a committed relationship?

2) Do I feel I can grow and evolve more by being with this person than on my own? Will this relationship challenge and inspire me to grow and expand into more of who I really am?

If not, then be by yourself.

3) Am I compatible with this person? Are we both going in a similar direction, growing at a similar pace? Would I want to be with this person if I met him/her for the first time today?

If not, question yourself because in order for a relationship to work, compatibility is key.

4) Can I love and accept this person exactly as they are?

If they didn’t change, would I feel ok and at peace?

If you can’t accept who they are now, you are just setting yourself up for pain and suffering in the future.

To have the opportunity to be in relationship with and love another person is a profound gift. It is a privilege.

Choosing someone that isn’t compatible with you and trying to make them be what you want, doesn’t honor you or the other person. Instead choose someone who is already what you want, not someone you need to fix or change.

Life is too short to be unhappy.

Choose wisely.

Choose grace and ease.

Choose love.



P.S. If you feel ready to go to your next level and live your true life’s purpose join me at: APPLY today!!

P.P.S. Please share this blog post with all those you love! I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

5 comments on “How To Choose The Right Relationship For You (The 4 Key Questions)

  1. Bethany on

    Thank you Kute! Thank you for sharing these words, this message, with passion and understanding! I continue to appreciate your work and your being.

  2. Kristina on

    I love the criteria about trust: Do I trust this person with my life ? I wonder what trust means in the positive attitude. To trust that my life will be safe and secure ? I have a problem with trust based on my non-trustworthy family, I imagine trust only in the negative meaning – that someone is not trustworthy, that there is not the integrity, not the that if I give my life to him, I will end up stagnate, with heartbreak, betrayal and much more, until illness and death. I trust that I cannot trust. But, I am not sure whether it is enough to “make this negative check list”, when I don´t know much what the positive side of trust means.
    Recognition, growing – I actually never had a problem with it, mainly my bigges heartbreak in a relationship with narcissistic spectrum person was a big big lesson. Based on the “trust criterium”, I´d never want this lesson anymore, it was too hard. I am not sure, Kute, does the growth means a growth in a kind way, not being manipulated etc and then, get the growth lesson or are also such relationships an evolutionary lesson ?
    Nevertheless, I noticed some “male friends” loving to settle down with me, as nobody else is there, kind of “persuade me into a relationship after al”…all the criterias of no growth would be filled. I did not notice this desire of them because it seems almost stupid to me, but good to know. It would feel like dying being with someone when there is no kind challenge, no inspiration. I am happy I don´t need to “marry someone because of duty”. I am sad because I seem to have lost those former friends who want to settle….if I don´t play with, they cut me off. But, perhaps, it is a great benefit for me to have this knowledge that “settling really happenes” and how some people see me, as a submissive person who might be persuaded into a relationship, despite the true essense of mine that is indeed not important for such a relationship. Great potential for divorce.

    • Debra on

      Kristina your comments resonate with me also.They sound very much like what I am experiencing in my life right now.I love reading your messages Kute,as they speak to me.Thank you.


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