What if you don’t have to stop judging yourself in order to stop judging yourself?
The pursuit of giving up judging can sometimes create more judgment and a never-ending chase for some future moment. We can sometimes get attached to the ideal notion of never ever judging ourselves and being able to do that immediately. Basing your happiness, peace or freedom on that future moment creates suffering.
In reality we are human. You will sometimes screw up, make “mistakes”, and judge.
Judging isn’t the issue but your relationship with your judging is the real issue.
When you stop making it about the judgment, your relationship with judging itself shifts. Then a space for freedom opens up and there is room for something to shift.
The issue isn’t the judgment but your judging of your judgment.
What sometimes happens is we notice ourselves judging ourselves, and then we get angry for judging ourselves. You are judging your judging. Judging yourself serves nothing only to keep you stuck in a cycle of judgment.
When you judge yourself, you simply reinforce the very things you judge. You will find that the more you judge, the more stuck you may become.
There is this mistaken idea that by judging ourselves and being harsh towards ourselves, that it can accelerate our change.
Let me make clear: Bullying yourself into change never works in the long run. You might change for a brief moment but this method never produces long-lasting transformation.
Judgment leads to suffering and suffering leads to more judgment.
So how do you stop the cycle of judging yourself?
First, observe your judging with no motive.
Don’t even try and change it, just observe it. When you do this, there is no resistance. You enter the present moment.
Second, simply bring compassion and loving to yourself, even the part of you that you don’t like that is judging needs your love.
When you can love even the part of you that is judging, then healing can happen.
Realize that the part of you that is judging has a positive intention. It’s trying to get something for you that is positive, however, it’s just going about it the wrong way.
When you understand the intention of that part of yourself, it’s easier to practice self-compassion.
Self-compassion heals. Self-compassion isn’t dependent on whether you stop judging or not. It’s not dependent on doing the right thing or being perfect. It’s about giving yourself unconditional love.
Self-compassion is a courageous gift that you choose to give yourself regardless of what you do or not.
To love yourself is a powerful choice you have.
And love is the most powerful force on earth.
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