I was recently asked a very delicate question in one of my seminars: “How do I deal with my partner who cheated on me? What do I do?”
There is not always a simple answer.
If your partner cheats on you, it is deeply painful.
When you feel that your heart and trust is betrayed it can be a very difficult thing to recover from.
So does that automatically mean the end of your relationship?
Relationship is a profound path of personal growth and spiritual evolution.
You attracted your partner because your souls have certain things to teach each other. The purpose of relationship is to serve each other’s soul growth, learn those lessons, and become the most authentic version of yourself.
So if you understand the real purpose of relationship, then you also understand that inevitably your issues are likely to come up in the relationship, in order to be healed.
You are both human beings with “stuff”.
It’s not about IF, but HOW you deal with and work through those issues that make the difference.
Because your partner cheats doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is over. It is giving you a powerful opportunity to take a deeper look at yourself.
There are several important things to seriously consider:
You must consider if you both deeply love each other and still feel the authentic connection and desire to continue staying together, in order to serve each other’s growth and work through the issues that have come up.
Since you attracted each other to learn lessons, do you feel you are complete with the lessons?
Remember, all lessons are repeated until learned fully. If you don’t learn the lessons you will likely attract the same dynamic in another relationship.
You must also take into consideration if cheating is a habitually and reoccurring pattern in the relationship. If it’s a regular thing, then you need to take an honest look at this. It is showing you a bigger unresolved issue that your partner needs to deal with and resolve. Simply having love and forgiveness for your partner won’t be enough for your relationship to work. The lesson may be to love and honor yourself fully by walking away.
But if it is totally out of character and the only time it has occurred, and on top of this, your partner is honest with you, willing to take full responsibility, ready to do the deep inner work to heal what caused his/her cheating and wiling to do whatever it takes with you to rebuild the sacred trust that was broken, then you stand a chance. If you both choose to work on making your relationship work.
It’s sometimes easy to get stuck in being a victim and blaming them for wronging you. This only disempowers you and keeps you stuck.
However, if you are willing to learn from your experience, even this devastating moment can become a portal to a deeper level of healing with yourself, recreating your relationship, and transforming all your relationships in the future.
Your partner’s cheating will force you to look at yourself.
Relationship is a mirror. The partner you attract to you is a mirror manifestation of yourself. You attract to you a partner that reflects to you the aspects of yourself that you most need to heal, love, integrate, and make peace with.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- What is my partner and their behavior reflecting to me about yourself?
- What lies am I telling myself about this relationship? What have I been pretending to not know about this relationship?
- Do I still love my partner? Am I in love?
- Do we still have the same core values, wants, needs? Are we growing in a similar direction at a similar pace?
- What’s my part of the responsibility in contributing to the situation?
When you take responsibility for your part, you set yourself free.
You can’t control what already happened in the past, but you can choose to learn from the experience, to forgive your partner as well as yourself, and make self-loving choices moving forward.
Remember that the real purpose of relationship is to grow and evolve.
And the greatest growth is to love.
Don’t let what happened stop you from loving in the present or the future.
If your partner cheated on you, let’s be clear – It’s not OK. Especially if you both had an agreement to being faithful. Cheating doesn’t honor the sacredness of your agreement, yourself, or the other person.
It’s so much simpler if you are no longer in love with your partner, to acknowledge the truth of what you feel. The truth serves everyone’s souls growth. Then lovingly speak your truth to them. This honors them and gives them the opportunity to choose.
If you choose to end the relationship, know that it’s not your job to seek revenge. Simply remember that you can’t cheat life, and what goes around must come around. And you do not “win” by spending your energy trying to make them pay for what they did. Of course, speak your heart, share your feelings, and get complete.
Nothing is worth your freedom.
When you love, no one can take that away from you. You are the one that opened your heart and loved and you are the one that is blessed.
When you love, you are free.
P.S. If you feel ready to go to the next level in your life, reclaim your power and live your true life’s purpose, join me on a life-changing journey, www.boundlessblissbali.com. Apply if you are ready.
P.P.S. Please share your comments below and share this blog with all those you love!