Most Guru’s or teachers will teach how to avoid suffering. I am going to share with you the 7 steps of how to successfully create suffering in your life, so that you can be aware of them and make different choices.

Suffering can become a very dangerous addiction. An unhealthy way to feel. An ultimately unfulfilling way to feel alive. You can get so used to suffering that it becomes comfortable and familiar. Suffering is the ego’s way of feeling important.

Whether you are a businessman or a buddha, pain is inevitable. There is no way to avoid it. Just by virtue of being in a human body there will be some pain. Trying to avoid pain will only create more suffering. Embrace pain to release yourself from suffering.

Suffering is optional. Suffering is a choice.

Suffering comes from your story about what is happening in your life and less about what is actually happening. What is happening is simply what is happening. The suffering part comes from all your interpretations and meanings about the experience. Change your story and the way you are interpreting reality and you begin to change your reality. When you change your reality within yourself you shift your experience of your reality outside. Once you understand this, you only suffer if you chose to.

What stories are you making up about yourself, your life, your partner, your current experience that is causing you suffering?

The 7 Keys to creating suffering:

1- Resist everything: Resist what is. Resist reality. Fight against what is happening in your life with all your might. This is a guaranteed method to suffer.

Key Solution: Accept what is, so that you can then decide how to shift it.

2- Holding the belief: โ€œThe experience that is happening to me should not be happening to me. I should be having some other experience than the one I am having. This shouldn’t be happening to meโ€. You have probably heard yourself doing some version of this. It just keeps you stuck.

Key Solution: Embrace your current experience. Your current experience is the experience that you are meant to be having because you are having it right now. Trust, and focus on what the you can learn and how you can grow. The experience is here to help you evolve.

3- Focusing on all the things that you cannot control. This will only cause you to feel completely helpless and disempowered. It will leave you in a state of worry and anxiety. Some of us are professional โ€œworriersโ€. No matter how much you worry it doesn’t actually change the situation. Once you are done worrying the situation will be the same. Worrying is a waste of time.

Key Solution: Focus on what you can control. Take actions that are in your power, step by step.

4- Refusing to change. Keep doing the same over and over and hoping for a different result. Well, as Einstein said is the definition of insanity. Are you so set in your ways that you are afraid of giving up the known suffering for the unknown possibility of happiness?

Key Solution: Embrace change. Be willing to do something different. Let go. Go into the unknown. Take different actions.

5- Give up your responsibility: Be a victim. Play the blame game making everyone else at fault or responsible for your life and how you feel. Unless you take responsibility for your current experience then you are powerless to change it.

Key Solution: Take full responsibility for your current reality and decide what changes you are committed to making. Give up blame.

6- Focus on everything that is wrong in your life. Whether a relationship or person. When you focus on what is wrong, you will surely find what is wrong. You will end up creating more of what is wrong to feel wrong a about. Then the negative cycle continues.

Key Solution: Start focusing on what you are grateful for. Remember all your blessings, and appreciate that daily. What you appreciates, expands. What you thank about comes about.

7- Denial: Lie to yourself and others. Pretend that everything is fine when you know that it isn’t. When you avoid facing what is, you end up staying stuck and repeating the same patterns of pain, and relationship. This only ends up prolonging your suffering.

Key Solution: Tell the truth to yourself first. Tell the truth to those in your life. Be honest. Face reality.

Life is too short to waste spent suffering. Most of what you worry about today you won’t even remember a few months from now. Most of what you are trying to change in people today, you won’t care about on your deathbed.

You hold the padlock and you hold the key to your freedom.

You choose.

P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you are ready to make peace with today. Please share in the comments below

P.P.S. Go to my site, and find out more about my work and receive some great free gifts!

12 comments on ““Are you addicted to Suffering? (and Ready to Quit?)”

  1. Brenda on

    Kute, your words have awakened my soul and sleeping mind. The mere word acceptance seems to be long gone from my vocabulary. I use to know it and know it well. Thanks to you, I will be listening to your words more. I have a 45 year old son and a 16 year grandson temporarily living in my 1 bedroom apt. Yes, it is small, but we do what we have to do at the time. The problem with the three of us is that we are all trying to change the other and acceptance hasn’t been in the game plan. I can’t wait until I can play this tonight. Thanks so very much and I know in my heart my family is on the way to recovery.

  2. Jana Fleming on

    My brilliant friend Kute – excellent blog! Everything you share is so true! The only thing that stands out as a partial truth is ‘suffering is optional’ I disagree – how long you suffer is optional! I know you know this! I have heard it said “suffering is optional” – “it’s a choice” but I wholeheartedly disagree – if a mother loses her child – there is nothing optional about her suffering! Buddha himself said the if we haven’t suffered there is no way to learn. Suffering is the path. Buddha arrived at full enlightenment because he suffered a lot. Thich Nhat Hanh said, “I would not want to send my friends and children to a place where there’s no suffering, because in such a place they’d have no opportunity to learn to cultivate understanding and compassion.”
    My point is just remember that we all suffer it’s not optional – what is optional is how long! And that depends on how well you can learn and transform the suffering!
    Much love & respect for you & the brilliance you are shining in the world!
    Om Shanti

  3. Sylvia Johnson on

    This is so true! No fighting, no trying to change, but just accept that person or situation it sets you free. You said “Many of us are living free in the world, but are in a prison in our own minds.” — That is so profound!

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