Breakups are never easy.
Often difficult, painful, and sometimes messy.
Know this: Your heart can never be truly broken, even though it might seem that way in the moment. Your heart is beyond physical, it’s capacity to love is infinite.
In any breakup your heart gets broken open beyond its current capacity to love. Prior to the breakup you were able to love to a certain degree. The breakup shatters the edges of your heart’s limits. Yes, it can be painful in the moment, but like a deep yoga pose it stretches you beyond who and what you were. Breathe into it, and allow your heart to open wider.
Every breakup is a potential breakthrough. Every breakup is a graduation to your next level, so long as you learn the lessons of the relationship.
The end of a relationship with someone you love can be extremely painful, but it is not a failure. The real success of a relationship is not in how long you stay together, but in how much you became the most authentic version of yourself and how much you loved.
The real purpose of a relationship is about two people coming together to serve the growth and evolution of each other’s soul. You attract each other and enter into a relationship because there are certain lessons you have to teach each other.
So long as you both continue to grow and evolve at a similar pace, in a similar direction, with a similar vision, then you can continue to deepen and expand your relationship together. This could last a week, a month, a year, a decade, or a lifetime. It’s when one of you stops growing, or grows in a different direction, that you grow apart…Your needs, goals, and life visions change.
Certain people show up to teach you different things at various points in your life…To help you reclaim a part of yourself that was lost. To give you an experience of love. To show you what you don’t want in a relationship. To help you heal old wounds. To challenge you to stand up for yourself. And more…
Once you learn the lessons that your soul needed, the relationship has simply served it’s purpose in your life. The relationship may simply be complete.
Just because you breakup with someone you love doesn’t mean you need to stop loving them. The form of your relationship may change, but the loving can continue, in a different form that allows for more love to be expressed.
Who you are today may not be who you were when you first entered into the relationship. So the form, structure and agreements you both made to each other must also change as you both evolve to reflect the most authentic expression of who you have become today. Then your relationship can be truly alive and vibrant, rather than a dead prison of the past.
We sometimes stay in relationships that no longer work out of fear. Fear of loss, fear of what others will think, or fear of being alone. You must be wiling to let go of what you don’t want to make space for what you DO want in your life.
It’s important to remember that there is an abundance of love available in the world. Love is not limited to one person. Love is available as big as you are wiling to be open to it.
You are love.
So if you are dealing with a break up:
First, accept and let go. Sometimes even though the relationship is over we hold on to the other person, living in fantasy or future hope. This just keeps you stuck and stops you from truly moving on and healing.
Secondly, feel all your feelings. When you suppress the pain you keep yourself stuck. Sometimes we don’t want to feel pain because it’s too much or we’re afraid it will last forever. Or not feeling the pain is a way of NOT letting go of the relationship. No feelings last forever. As you feel your feelings, the pain and grief will dissolve in stages with time.
Third, reflect and learn the lessons that the relationship was there to teach you. All lessons are repeated until learned. Once you learn the lesson you don’t have to recreate it again in another relationship.
Fourth, take time to be alone. Rather than jumping back into another relationship to avoid the pain, use this time to reflect, nourish yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself and to heal.
Fifth, bless your ex. Forgive them and cultivate gratitude. Any time you have the privilege to experience another person’s heart and soul it’s a gift and sacred experience.
To love takes courage. It’s a vulnerable thing to open your heart to another. So enter with deep respect, care and reverence for the time your souls have agreed to share together. And if that moment comes when it’s no longer working, commit to breaking up with as much love and care as you did when you fell in love with each other in the beginning.
Commit to leaving them better off than when you first met. How you break up with someone will impact that person for the rest of their lives, as well as yourself.
There is power in a breakup.
So break up with love.
When all is said and done…
All forms will change.
All that matters is the LOVE.
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