httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaYh-KN94Ko
Love Fu:
Those that challenge you the most are also your greatest teachers. Thank them, for they are the ones that call you to live your highest potential.
They are the opportunity for you to face yourself, your fears, and those parts of you that you don’t like, for they will expose it.
They are the opportunity to see how you stop loving and to love bigger.
They invite you to live the books, your prayers, and your spirituality.
Often when we are faced with a challenging individual. We get angry. We might defend our point, want to fight, be righteous, judge or collapse in fear.
Most of all those that challenge us, give us the opportunity to love.
But we must first shift our perception, how we view the situation and that person.
Here are some steps:
1-Shift: See that person/situation as a gift. They are the opportunity for you to grow and love more.
2- Let go: Give up being right and commit to being FREE. Nothing/No one is worth your happiness or peace. Life is way too short.
3- Realize: They are reflecting something for you to see, a part of yourself that you need to own, an old wound that you get to heal and let go.
4- Responsibility: Take the focus off of them, take responsibility, and learn your lesson. Embrace it. Graduate from the experience and move on.
5-Release: Accept the person exactly as they are. Perhaps that might mean, you will need to let them go from your life, or shift the dynamics of your relationship. Stop fighting what they are.
6- Communicate: Either communicate with them directly if appropriate. Or simply bless them and let them go within your own heart. Since everything is energy and we are all interconnected, the good vibes that you send that person will affect them.
7- Appreciate: Acknowledge your growth and learning. Focus on what you received, and the person you became as a result, rather than what was taken.
Remember: When someone attacks you, they are in a lot of pain. And even though it is directed at you, it most often isn’t about you. It isn’t personal, even though it seems that way and they might even feel that way.
You can choose to fight fire with fire, but this only creates more devastation. When someone attacks you, they want to engage you in a fight. If you attack back you are now caught up in a vicious cycle.
Even if you win the fight… no one really wins. Let go. Focus on freedom and resolution.
It takes two people to fight. When you don’t engage the attack energy, soon your adversary will be left fighting with themselves. Then the energy will dissipate.
If you drop to the level of your “attacker” you perpetuate the cycle of endless negativity. Your “attacker” will try to use your energy to keep a war going. But if you don’t engage, then there is no resistance. They will have no fuel to keep fighting you with.
If someone gives you a gift, but you decline to accept it, to whom does the gift belong? It still belongs to the other person!
Rise above it. Disengage. Step to the side. Redirect. Live your freedom.
So, practice Love Fu. Then “Peace” is no longer just a sweet T shirt slogan. And Love is not just some nice mantra. But Love becomes a daily reality, and the opportunity in action for you to live moment to moment.
PS. I would love to hear your thoughts in the box below!.. And do send this particular blog post to those in your life that are dealing with a challenging person.
88 comments on “Love-Fu: The martial art of deal dealing with a Very challenging person.”
Thank you Kute for your info on how to love a challenging person. I do believe that everyone is a mirror of ourselves although I seem to “forget” that when I believe that someone else is wrong. Everything I do to someone else I am actually doing to myself. Thank you for that reminder. Peace and Love my friend.
yes… it all comes back… the other is yourself….. even though we forget sometimes…
Kute,
This is brilliant….and very timely for me!
Thank you SO much!!!!
As always. I am so grateful for your insight…
Many thanks,
Maria
Dear Kute,
As always, your words touch my heart. Thank you for being the bright light that you are in this world. I love and appreciate you!
Hugs,
Gail
sending u love Gail!
Kute:
Thank you for this very insightful post that is perfect timing for me as this is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you for your clarity. I have been called quite a bit lately to live my lyrics…
“I wonder how I’d love if I weren’t afraid, a love that doesn’t turn to hate when I don’t get my own way”
and
“He showed me angels are just devils in disguise casting dark shadows and daring me to shine”
I have received many precious gifts these past few weeks by the gift of not getting my own way and noticing how I am showing up because others did not live up to my expectations. Thank you for shining your light.
Loving now,
~Julie
i love the lyrics julie thanks !
P.S. The lyrics are really…
“He showed me devils are just angels in disguise casting dark shadows and daring me to shine”
What can I say? So aKute!!
Working every day on really sending out that love, especially to those challenging people… Love u guys!!!
much love to u nuria!
Have just experienced a situation with a family member – this is great stuff. I really hear you and will once again take in the messages you have so beautifully outlined in your blog and use them in this situation
Blessings
let me know how it goes Lisa!!!!
Yes this is so true. I have been practicing this for the past few year. Makes me look at any pain I have inside that I am defending.
Love,
Sean
right on sean! keep grooving.
KUTE
your message broke my heart open. again.
the first decade of my life was spent eluding, preserving, and defending, , my response as the only child in a family of multi-substance addicted, clinically depressed suicidal adults.
the next decades were spent drawing firm lines of resistance and protective delineation around myself to keep those terrifying disorders and behaviors from enslaving me.
In this process, I became a brazen gladiator who can successfully slay any monster.
or so it seemed.
Now the challenge in the last decade or so of life is to find gentleness. this message inspires me to lay aside my sword and armour.
vicki
Hi vicki… You are one courageous Soul!… there is power in that gentleness…. reminds me of Gandhi who, when he was put in jail, chose to make sandals for his captor. and upon release, went and gifted him sandals that he made with his own hands. Know that gentleness will melt many hearts, and open ways you may not even imagine. For at the core we are all tender in the deepest part of our hearts….. when u come from that place in u , u will touch that place in another…… love Kute
Reading the message and the comments further solidifies the fact that we are all FAR more alike than we are different!
I would like to believe we all have tried this, on some level, but not nearly as beautifully and as consciously as you have shared herein.
Kute, your messages are so present; as this is information that we already have inside of us. Thank Yah, you are ‘present’ to bring the message of our spirit to the surface with an understanding that makes implementation… “freedom”!
You ARE a light!
bless u FRAN!
Wonderful insights, thank you. I feel I’ve applied them to those who challange me and yet, still come out feeling as though I’ve gained nothing.. and yet, still- I keep trying. At this point, is becomes somewhat self destructive. Peace, Love, and Happiness aren’t just a T Shirt logo.
hi tamara. I really feel u and acknowledge you for your willing to keep loving. sometimes Loving yourself and another means stepping away and no longer engaging. I sometimes joke that i have a perfect relationship with EVERYONE….some people I choose not to see or be around. But I can simply hold them in LOVE in my heart from afar. They don’t ever have to change, or be different. I always have a choice as to how i will interact with them. Keep loving them .. perhaps from a far. This way your heart stays open but you also take care of your self and your heart!. keep Loving now! And Every ounce of loving you have giving will come back to you, perhaps not from the person you gave it. YOU cannot cheat the universe.. sending u love.
Love fu you kute.
Have just experienced a situation last Saturday with a long time friend and I knew something inside of me was telling me just “let GO and LOVE” so I did.
LOVE,
Manny
Love is important and fights we need, but we should never fight a person we love.
I totally agree with your thoughts.
Kute,
This resonates very personally with me for a few reasons. Thank you for putting it on paper…I feel I do live this already, but a reminder is always appreciated.
LeeAnn
Wonderful way of looking at being with another being. Thank you
Dear Kute: Thank you for teaching without lecturing. Some teachers in the area of self-development can get awfully preachy, even if they’re not religious. I love your videos. I know from experience(I suppose we ALL do!) that it takes guts to learn to be a more loving, peaceful, generous person & give up the need to be right, & the need to be miserable. We are all called to learn this; & you are an excellent teacher. Thank you, thank you. Cynthia
KUTE, KUTE, KUTE…you always deliver the most peaceful and engaging thought processes when I’m least expecting a savior!
I’ve been busy and didn’t get to read this til this eve…and it came after 7 months of financial stress after the abrupt passing of my husband..when some do not honor business agreements NOR loyalty…
You sweetly enabled me to see, appreciate and shift my warrior, lioness protective nature for him as well as my family’s legacy and allowed me to continue to be the lady I am, yet someone who should not be toyed with…the freedom you have given me to see the light at the end of a scary unfriendly tunnel has given me such inner peace, strength and vision to redirect my energy in a more LOVING and HEALING manner…hopefully those certain person(s) will also yield and release their stance and come to the table with love in their heart for a man to be respected, honored and never forgotten…I know I can live with my posture…I only hope they can too…
thank you for this lesson – true blessing indeed!
I hope to be able to have you at future retreats I am putting together
Namaste, xoxo Jean Marie a/k/a Miss Green Jean
Magnificent blog. I am of the belief that it is usually beneficial paying a great deal more money for something you probably love as compared to setting it on the side. Our life is much too short for that.
Hello Kute-
My dear friend, Ramona sent me to Love Fu…and I just finished applying your steps to a very challenging situation. Wow, I sure feel better. Believing in myself was questioned, but not for long! Thank you and keep up your wonderful work.
I love what you say about how to stop a disagreement –
If someone gives you a gift, but you decline to accept it, to whom does the gift belong? It still belongs to the other person!
absolutely fantastic !
Here’s hoping there’s a an enormous number more top-notch material coming!
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Hi Kute,
You are right! It is most hard to deal with a difficult person. I think the source within this this person is mostly insecurity and maybe some paranoia. The problem is the attack. It is not that that the ego requires drama but the ego loves the ego. So it resists only to assert it’s own love of self and the person contained thereby.
It is the person and the ego fear the attack and as a result attack back. Sometime the means are rational so other times not so. In the end the result is the same conflict. It is important for the person, the rider of the ego, to understand to defend yourself is correct but it is to be done, as the Buddha said, by skillful means. This is the hard part. Sometimes skillfull meand requires one to bend as a willow in the wind. This allows the attack to pass as winf through the leaves of tree.
The tree may lose some leaves but it stands and it’s leaves are grown
Hi Kute, thank you for the enlightening tips above, regarding how to deal with a difficult person. For me, I have to deal with a difficult boss, who is quite cold and nit picky…I go to work everyday feeling down and return from work feeling drained. Am sure many people can relate to this. But the funny thing is that others at work don’t seem to have the issue I am having..guess I am taking it ‘personal.’
What I would like to pose to you, is yes I can communicate with that person and I’ve already sent him good vibes, even visualized the office bathed in pink light..but i still struggle to accept his behaviour towards myself and the other staff…so do you advise me to just accept what he’s doing and move on…or even resign? As I don’t see his behaviour improving at all.
Blessings,
Anna.
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