I often get asked a lot in my seminar The Man Breakthrough Experience, “Kute, how do I turn a man down when I am not interested?”.

So I addressed this in my new blog video and decided to write a letter to men about this too! (See below)

As a woman: You are pure light. And your light is an inspiration.

Toning down your light so no one sees you serves no one. Hiding your light to make others feel more comfortable is a disservice.

Your radiance is a gift. It’s not what you DO but your Beingness that will shift the vibrations of a room, space, or situation.

Everything can be done with LOVE…Even when you turn a man down.


Dear Brothers,

When you approach a woman remember that she is not simply a body. The real woman is a living essence, her real form is beyond physical.

It’s easy to get caught up in her mesmerizing form. Feel beyond her form if you really want to meet her. What you see with your physical eyes is only her beginning, just the first layer. If that’s all you see you aren’t really seeing her. Her body is just the beginning of a most amazing journey to your own heart.

To really see her you must see with your heart and feel with your eyes, then she will reveal herself to you. The deeper you enter her heart the more depths you will find. She is an endless ocean of love. If you have the courage to really love her she will give you  everything. She will show you Universes beyond your mind.

When you just approach her as an object you miss who she really is. When you just see her as an object, her heart feels it and she can only open to you partially, if at all. When you do so, perhaps unconsciously she will reject you. Consider that she is showing you the pain of not being truly seen for who she is.

If you only see her form then you deserve her “NO”. Because when you just see her body, you yourself are saying “NO” to her and the totality of her Being. How can she really say “YES” to that and open her heart to you fully?

When you really see her light, this is a gift. When you approach her, whether as your woman, or someone you just met randomly, she will feel and sense if you see her truly or not. When you don’t see her you reject her.

When you see and honor her real essence and heart fully she will feel that too, and she will respond. She might not give you her phone number, she might not be your girlfriend, it doesn’t matter. Consider that what she has already given you by being herself is beyond enough of a gift on its own.

She has given you a vision of the Goddess and it has lit inspiration in your heart. Feel her gift to you and let it touch your heart. Then breathe back to her your appreciation for the blessing she has been for you.

Show her your heartfelt “Thank You” through your eyes.

The most beautiful gift you can give her is your presence and holding the pure space for her to feel safe to shine. Rather than try and get something from her, conquer her, control her, manipulate her, analyze her…simply love her fully.

As you do, you will find her form becoming even more beautiful than you could have imagined.

She is a Goddess. Worship HER and she will give you everything. When you give her 10 she will gift you 20.

She will bring great blessings into your life. She will manifest Universes in your reality.

Because she is LOVE.

So when you approach her, do so with great respect, care, integrity…knowing through her you are about to dance with Infinity. She is your lover, your mother, your daughter, your sister…she is LIFE.

Always approach her with love, because she is love.



P.S. Women: Join me for a life-changing, transformational weekend at  www.themanbreakthroughexperience.com.

P.P.S. I would love to hear your comments below!!! …And do share this blog with all your loved ones!

7 comments on “How to turn a man down with LOVE and turn him on! (And a letter to men)

  1. Michele on

    Just what I needed to hear. This has been happening a lot. And I wish for all the men who desire me to allow my presence to ignite a transformational spark within them. I now see it as an honor to lovingly ‘turn them down’….I am grateful for the opportunity for mutual growth. <3 Thank you for helping me with this perspective, Kute!

  2. TonyaTko on

    LOL. Obviously Kute has never experienced the profound, Awe-inspiring AGGRESSIVENESS of Men on the street. Men are hard-wired as beings to perceive what they see as clues of “receptivity” from their fertile counterparts as an invitation for mating. A study I once read detailed a grocery store chain in England who had their employees hold their smiles for a few seconds as they looked into the customers’ eyes & thanked them (as they handed them their change) – after a few weeks they had to discontinue the new practice from the sheer number of female employees being stalked by male customers-waiting for them after work.

    Why? Because of the internal hard-wiring of human males to perceive openness from a woman as an “invitation” for “More.”

    I’m not sure why its so difficult to turn men down neatly. I’ve tried just about everything from–I’m married–to–I’m a Lesbian–to–I’m Celibate–to–I’m Violent and I like to beat men up–to–I have an incurable disease. In Fact the ONLY things which worked to Chase men away were “I’m looking for a serious relationship which leads to marriage” and “I want to have children!” LOL! – Just kidding, I tried those too… and its met with a followup. Perhaps the men who typically approach on the street are of a particular breed of persistence?…. Perhaps the approach in the video works on shy men? I’m not sure, but I will definitely try this again…. But as we factor in the monthly hormonal cycles a woman goes through, sometimes a man just can’t resist continuing to push; As a woman nears ovulation her voice sounds sweeter, her pheremones are intoxicating, and her electricity is magnetizing… he’s like a moth… about to reach his electromagnetic doom…. lewl :-/)


  3. Jim on

    Amen to all of what you stated. Seeing through Primal Desires and into the heart opens up infinite possibilities. Thanks for sharing this in this way.

  4. Ed on

    I noticed this happening when I moved from the East Coast to the midwest. I was still getting turned down (women were able to see through me in my youth and immaturity), but they were nicer about it.

    Now, in a Western state and a more mature body, mind, and spirit, I don’t feel “turned down” at all – even when the answer is “no”. I approach from a different and more powerful position and am treated with more respect. Of course this is not always the case. But when I am treated with a harsh rejection, I know the issue lies with the other person.

    So, I suggest, don’t just do it to honor the person asking you out, but be kind and empowering to honor the person you are becoming!


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