It can be so hard when you see someone you love and care for stuck in patterns that aren’t working or are not healthy.

From the outside, it’s easy to clearly see what they are doing wrong or need to change. It can be even more frustrating if they are someone you are very close to, like a family member.

Realize this: You don’t have the power to make another person change. People don’t change unless they really want to change. You only have the power to share your perspective, wisdom, and invite them to consider a different way of doing things.

When someone changes simply to make you happy, rest assured, it doesn’t last.

They must not only want to change but must be committed to it. They also must be open to your help. We sometimes try to change people that are not asking for help and end up trying to control them to fit our ideal.

It’s important to remember that each person has their own journey and lessons in life that their soul needs to learn. You may not completely understand or agree, but if you want to be happy, you cannot get attached to them being different.

Sometimes people aren’t quite ready to change, even if they know that they need to. There is often a payoff they get from staying stuck, or they are simply too comfortable doing what they have been doing.

If someone you know doesn’t change for you, it’s NOT personal. It’s not about you, it’s just where they are at right now.

If you take their NOT changing personally, it will only upset you and cause you to withhold your love.

So learn to accept the reality of where people in your life are currently at. Don’t resist, judge or justify.

Then you are no longer in resistance, and it enables you to show up and just be a loving presence in their lives.

Even though the person you love may not be ready to change right now, allow them their process. The greatest gift you can give them is to SEE who they really are and love them as they are. They may have forgotten who they are, so rather than judge and condemn, see who they are and reflect that back.

Honor each person’s unique journey and bless each person’s life path. Trust that it is perfect for their soul’s evolution.

Your responsibility is not to change anyone but simply to love them.

Love is the greatest medicine.



P.S. If you feel ready to go to the next level in your life, reclaim your power and live your true life’s purpose, join me on a life changing journey, on July 4-15th. Apply if you are ready.

P.P.S. Please share your comments below and share this blog with all those you love!

14 comments on “How To Deal With People That Don’t Want To Change

  1. Enkhee Zonorov on

    Dear Kute,

    First of all, I really want to express my immeasurable humble gratitude to you for the wonderful video that each word is absolutely relatied
    to my Ex-Husband Robert, and I immediate saw his potential ( Magnificant ) but unfortunanely he forget who really he is ? becuase he had caught up , trapped within his mendal, emotional, physacial body, made a cocoon around himself as a protection, and really refuses to break the shell.

    We divorced 10 years ago because I realized that I am able to give him love, compassion from a distance not in a relationship. So I have accepted him just the way he is with 100% compassion because he is so unconscious the way he act, speak, eat, whatever he does is so compulsive.

    I am absolutely delighted to see that he is now willing to chnage just after 10 years of my hard work for me to realize his uniqueness not believed what people around him says who is he ? But you know it is still very gradually he is changing that makes me so happy, because I know he is more than who he is right now, so much hidden potential he has still not realized of him help.

    I do put my 100% of my trustfulness for me to become a full-fledged human being in this lifetime.This is my pure intention to my Ex-husbnad
    Robert Walker asa you know we had a lovely girl, she is now 12 years old, after divorce he used to see her every weekend, after when she reached at 8 years old she discussed her relationship with her father with her laywer and the judge accepted her wish to stay with her mother
    and I have got a full custody of my daughter. She said that she is now completely free from her father’s control.

    Many thanks once again for your sharing.

    With Light

    With Gratitude,

  2. Carrie Sechel on

    Awesome video! It really made me think of the people in my life who I love, but have challenging relationships with. And, how I can approach the relationships differently. Thanks very much!!

  3. Julie on

    Kute, your message couldn’t be more appropriate and incredibly important for me to have heard right now. Thank you so much for all you do!

  4. Tammy Wekerle on

    Thank you Kute, Hi my name is Tammy and I am a recovering FIXER. Your words spoke to me today as I have observed this side of myself, owning that I have indeed been a proposed people changer. I finally saw that my ways were not working, would never work and I have taken the step back to adjust my self and my ways. I had to (accept) that in myself before I could make the changes in myself.
    I am glad I listened today, because I was missing the crucial step of (acceptance) of them needing to be exactly who they are and I was wrapped up in my story, that they would never change. I know they have their own spiritual journey, just like I had mine, to be able to heal the parts in me that wanted to change them to begin with.
    My intention today is to remind myself/hammer in the idea that they are on their own journey and every time I step in to rescue or fix, that I take away their lessons and will only perpetuate the longevity of their mission. I can love from afar, even when my heart aches to be near them. Controlling what I can, (my impulses) to jump in, as I heal that part of me that thought I ever needed to do that.
    Today I accept all of the parts of them, when I look thru the eyes of the soul. When I (SEE) them in all their glory, trying to accomplish their mission. I also accept my and surrender my desire to change anyone but myself. I will give myself all of that love, compassion and confidence in my own journey towards wholeness in remembering who I am.
    When I remember my wholeness, my cup will be overflowing. I am faithful that their journeys will take them to the right place for them.

  5. Ginnie Givens on

    Hi Kute,
    What perfect timing this video has come to me. All of the behaviors that you mentioned has just recently happened to me with family members.. (The disrespect) It is so distressing to see them and their ways of living life. It’s stresses me out to be around them. I needed the thought pattern and tools to be able to deal with the behaviors toward me that they have but I must say dealing with these behaviors for 20 some years and still no change from them I needed the advice you gave to be able to understand where they are… and how to deal with it all.
    Thank you for reminding me how I deal with family members who are stuck.

    • Kute Blackson on

      Ginnie, continue to trust that everyone is right where they need to be in life, whether that’s learning the lessons or accepting the blessings!


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